We all have different personalities: some are more extroverts, some are more introverts.

For true business success, finding balance is key. If you are a naturally aggressive, extroverted person, choose to be the listener for a change, and see what happens.

See what changes when you simply listen and try to understand and empathize with someone’s point of view. Ask them questions, rather than jumping to argue or disprove them — which may be your usual reflex.

Ask for feedback from your colleagues, reports, and supervisors. Often, leaders are concerned that asking for feedback indicates a lack of confidence and takes away one’s power. Again, balance is key — it is not “either or”. In fact, you can confidently state your point of view, while also eliciting open feedback from others.

On the flip side, if you are an introvert by nature, your practice is to express yourself more. Experiment with sharing your ideas and opinions more freely, tying them to others’ ideas when possible .

Why is this beneficial? 

As organizations and individuals are changing and becoming more collaborative, traditional top-down and hierarchical ways of working are becoming obsolete. Two-way feedback is becoming more and more essential.

In fact, leadership is no longer defined only by what you know, but also by what questions you ask. Workplace research is increasingly showing that the more you can elicit feedback, ideas, and engagement from those you work with, the more successful you can be as a leader.

As mentioned, the autopilot mode at work is often to interrupt, talk more, and do more.

Before doing this, take a minute to notice yourself: What is going on in your mind? What is going on in your body? What is the emotion YOU feel at this moment?

Often, the answer is: I don’t know. Or even, I don’t feel anything. But, it is rarely the case that you actually feel nothing. It is more often the case that you are so identified with your mind and thoughts that you are unaware of what you are feeling.

To start developing this muscle of emotional awareness, remember these 6 basic human emotions: Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Fear, Disgust, and Surprise. Every emotion of ours falls into one of these categories. See if you can identify with any of them.

For some, recognizing these emotions is too challenging in the beginning. If that is the case for you, don’t worry. You can start with just developing greater body awareness. For example, notice how it feels to move around in your seat. Notice any sores or pains when you turn your head. Notice the feeling of your fingers grazing the table, and the feeling of your body on the chair. Become aware of your breath. Notice any tension in your body, in your face, in your jaws or hands and try to let it go. Breathe.

on’t get too lost in the conversation’s content itself — the “what.” It is definitely important, but it is often equally important to observe the “meta-conversation” — the “how.” How is the dynamic of the meeting? How is the pace of it? Does it feel comfortable? Are people listening respectfully and patiently to one another? How is each person feeling? How could there be a more effective mindset or process used for a better outcome?

Instead of molding to what ‘everyone else’ is doing, try to bring in a new perspective by simply observing and stating what you notice going on, making others aware. For example, stating “It seems like a lot of us are talking over eachother. Maybe it would be a good idea to slow down and start documenting each person’s perspective on the board to make sure we don’t miss anything. How do you all feel about that?”

Why?

Good meetings are essential to making the right decisions for an organization. The best meetings are those that are inclusive, receptive, and equally respectful to all perspectives present. All too often, people will just go along with the status quo, which is ultimately less than ideal for an organization. Being able to see beyond the “what” and notice the “how” is an important step in facilitating more powerful, impactful meetings and distinguishing yourself as a true leader.

One of the most important tenets of developing emotional intelligence is the skill of active listening. Listening is a valuable first step to showing someone that we care to understand them. However, often we find as we listen to others that we are internally judging what they are saying, rather than really understanding them. In order to truly empathize with another person’s point of view, we have to try to experience life as them.

One strategy for doing this is to listen closely, understand their point of view and emotion, and then actually try on their experience, like an outfit. This is certainly not an easy thing to do, especially if/when we have charged feelings towards the person. However, it’s with these individuals who trigger us that this practice is most important to do.

Why is this beneficial?

Diversity is a hot topic nowadays and a business imperative. And yet, it is one of the most challenging areas for organizations to address due to the amount of unconscious bias present in all of us.

The fact is, there is so much diversity in experience, beliefs, mindsets, and personalities between people. It is easy and natural to judge those who think and act differently from us.

Yet at the same time, there are a few things we ALL have in common with others, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: the need for physical sustenance, the need for safety, the need for love and community, the need for achieving one’s potential, and the need for self-actualization and purpose.

When we “try on someone’s experience,” we are giving ourselves a chance to understand, for a short time, their unique perspective as a person. The unique way they have been brought up, and the unique ways they go about meeting their basic human needs. This helps us develop a newfound respect for the person, no matter how different they may be from us.

Obviously, emotional intelligence doesn’t happen overnight, and these strategies take time to imbibe and practice. Many of them may go completely against what you are used to and your natural reflexes, which is why emotional intelligence coaching can be useful. I encourage you to approach these with an open mind and slowly start experimenting with them.

If you want to accelerate your emotional intelligence training to:

• understand your own and others’ emotions,
• get extensive feedback on your communication
• become an expert storyteller, and more