A Closed Mindset
One of our clients was a sales leader who was struggling with his teams and came to us for emotional intelligence coaching. The company was pivoting their global strategy and struggling with getting their sales teams on board with the change.
During our initial talks with him, a few things immediately stood out:
- He was a rational and effective leader with a sensible strategy in place
- He was frustrated and angry with his team for not understanding the strategy and often lashed out.
- He did not mention once what he thought he needed to change to improve the situation, indicating a need for more introspection and emotional intelligence.
The problem is, our minds all work in drastically different ways. Learning to traverse this diversity of thought, communication styles, and personalities is one of the most difficult things we do in our work and in our lives.
It’s not uncommon to encounter workplaces where senior leadership is completely misaligned with teams, and often, even misaligned with other leaders. Decisions are made from the top and then trickled down throughout the organization. This one-way method of leading is, unfortunately, all too common, and usually, ineffective. It frustrates employees, making them feel resentful, disengaged, and misunderstood by leadership and the company, often leading to turnover.
Any good change practitioner has probably discovered the importance of understanding needs. Don’t assume that anyone knows what another person/team needs or what is best for them. Human beings are just so different, each of us, and so it is dangerous to really assume anything!
Sometimes, The Most Powerful Thing You Can Do is Ask a Question.
Leading with curiosity is easier said than done, of course, especially when we feel triggered or misunderstood. We live in a society that is more about “telling” than asking, and our leadership has traditionally followed this paradigm. Everyone wants to think they know what is best for others, and for the world, because it gives the ego validation.
But often, the most useful thing you can do to help someone(and yourself), is to ask an open question.
An open question is often a “what” or “how” question. These types of questions can actually serve as thought-prompts, stimulating the brain to think creatively and outside of the box, rather than defensively.
Below are some examples:
1. How can I help/support you better?
2. What do you like/not like about x?
3. How would you suggest we improve it? If you could change one thing about it, what would it be?
Why Are Open Questions Valuable?
There are several reasons. They not only give you, the leader, more information to work with; they actually help the person asked to clarify in their own mind what they are needing or wanting. What is bothering them and what a possible solution could be. Being asked questions like these opens up a way of thinking and verbalizing ideas, which may not have been available to them before.
Leading with curiosity also often shows the individual being asked that yes, you do in fact care. You care enough to ask what they want and listen to them. Obviously, if you are able to actually give them what they want in some way, it is more ideal.
But what we often don’t realize, is that just asking questions and showing empathy may be already winning 1/2 the battle.
Want to learn more about our leadership emotional intelligence coaching? Get in touch at info@culturestrategy.io!
